What do Aliens Think of Christmas Trees?

It is a cold December day when the aliens are hanging out in their spaceship taking notes on all the different ways that the human species are not rational.  This is the conversation that ensues:

"Hey Bob, I thought you told me that trees provide oxygen so that humans can breathe."  

"I did Stan, why do you ask?"  

"Because I see millions of humans around the Earth cutting trees down and putting them into their houses.  Don't they realize that cutting them down will kill the trees?"

"Great point Stan.  Maybe they bring the trees into their house to provide more oxygen into their living space."

"That's possible Bob.  But I also see them decorating the tree, so maybe that is their way of celebrating the species that allows them to breathe."

The aliens bring up some good points that make the tradition of Christmas trees in the house seem rather silly.  Let me tell you about my childhood experiences with Christmas trees to shed some more light on this obscene tradition:

We would always wait until a week before Christmas to get our tree.  That of course meant we were left with the old awkward looking trees that nobody else wanted.

Getting the tree in and out of the house would always result in a gigantic mess of pine needles on the floor and sap on everyone's hands.  Yuck!

Once the tree was up and decorated, it would fall over 1d4+2 times every year.  This would result in many presents getting crushed by the tree and the spilled water making a complete mess.  To prevent it from falling over in the future, we began putting screws in the walls to wrap string around the tree.  That sounds great in theory, until the cat tries to climb the tree, which causes the tree to fall over and the sheetrock to come with it as well.  Good times.

The icing on the cake however happened one year when we were playing a competitive game of charades on Christmas day.  My grandmother was getting really animated giving us the clues when she bumped into the tree causing it to lean away from her, then tilt towards her and fall over knocking her to the ground and landing on top of her.  If you think I am making this up to make my point, unfortunately, I am not.

Moral: Stop all traditions that involve hurting the environment, making a mess in your house, destroying your gifts, or inuring grandparents.

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